


Fluster

by Hanavia



Category: The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fear, Hunger Games, Love Confessions, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:33:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26362705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanavia/pseuds/Hanavia
Summary: Starts after the end of the first book. Peeta and Katniss get the opportunity to talk about what happened in the arena. And about their feelings. Feelings that Katniss doesn't want to admit. But why?
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Kudos: 22





	Fluster

**Author's Note:**

> Hello darlings,
> 
> The story is already a few years old, but was only published in German. I found the time to translate it. 
> 
> This scene is something I really would have liked to have for both of them in the books, but alas. Someone had to make this relationship dramatic, right? *looks at Suzanne Collins*
> 
> However, enjoy!

Her heart beats in her chest as she turns around. Peeta is already behind her, with a few steps he has found her. Instinctively.

Anger resonates in his voice as he speaks. "Katniss, if you leave now, you're all alone." 

She closes her eyes, swallows hard and clenches her fists to fight the contradictory feelings inside her. She doesn't understand why she is suddenly paralyzed, why her legs don't carry her one step further. Because of the ultimatum?

So far she hasn't cared about what he said anyway, except for the one time after the interview when he confessed his love to her in front of the entire Capitol. It was the first time anyone had ever shown any interest in her. Understandable that at that time she couldn't help but act on his insult and push him. 

She tries to gather herself up and resist his gaze, which strikes her as icy cold. Peeta is disappointed in her, obviously he doesn't understand her sudden turn. He probably believed that her feelings in the arena were real and can't accept that she just wants to forget the whole thing. 

"You said you had a strategy with Haymitch, was that really all?", he grits his teeth. Blue eyes meet grey. He is so hurt that her chest tightens, but she tries to seem careless because she doesn't want to give him any hope. 

If she doesn't even know what she wants, how can she make him understand? As for finding the right words, she had never been the right person. That hasn't changed now. 

For a while she came out of herself and showed the Capitol and the audience what they wanted to see. The lovable, faithful, in love Katniss. But basically, she doesn't even know what that means. Because she doesn't care what the others think. Especially now, after the Hunger Games. 

Actually, everything is different, but she doesn't give in to it yet. She won't admit that the arena has changed her. She is strong, brave and a winner. But she is also a liar. 

That is what she can see in Peeta's blue eyes. He has grown fond of her, more than he ever thought he would. She knows that because she is clever and can piece one and one together. But he is disappointed, too. That she has lied and has not been true to herself. That she is now backing out.

Of course, she felt comfortable with him, but in the end she would have taken any alliance with a kiss. Peeta was simply the person she trusted the most in the end, which wasn't difficult given his open nature. 

Slowly she takes a few steps back, further away from Peeta, knowing she will not be able to break the silence. She doesn't give him an answer, because it doesn't fit the old Katniss.

Her gaze passes over his face, which is strangely tense, and makes a short stop at his ruffled forehead, where a few blonde strands fall. He looks at her vividly and his lips are dull and twisted. He looks reproachful. His hands hang down the sides of his body because he feels visibly uncomfortable and doesn't know what to do with them. Even though his words sound strong and he speaks with a confidence Katniss doesn't know where he got it from, he looks as if he is going to run away at any moment. 

"Do not punish me with silence, please. You know what we've been through together and I think that we can continue to support each other in the future." For a moment, he seems to think about it. "I can't do this without you," he adds quietly. 

His honesty is amazing and strikes Katniss like an electric shock. Her facial features derail her and she lowers her gaze to her hands, which she has folded insecurely in front of her body. It does not suit her to feel so vulnerable. 

"You don't know what it will be like without me," is the only thing she manages to say for the moment. A feeling like hot cocoa that warms from within spreads through her. And it is addictive, like the drink she discovered on the trip to the Capitol. Unusual, but she loves it from the beginning. 

To be dependent on something or someone, she doesn't like that because she is afraid of being abandoned. But why does she now come up with the idea? She has unconsciously compared cocoa to Peeta, or the feeling he triggers in her. When he is around her, she feels safe. Most of the time anyway. 

However, it has also occurred that he drags the ground from under her feet. Like when she was in the arena, when she got stuck in the cave and she kissed him, not for the cameras but for herself. Even when he was unable to move or protect her, she felt safe like never before. 

She knew the danger of staying too long in the same place and she also knew that the gamemakers liked to interfere with the action. Still, she didn't care, because she could be with Peeta. 

But that was exactly where the problem was. In the arena, he gave her stability, something she could hold on to. Something that kept her busy while her body was exhausted from all the stress of the days before. A distraction?

No. 

Something inside her resists violently when she thinks about Peeta being a distraction. He is more, which throws her completely off track because she doesn't really need anyone. She can live with herself quite well and she would love to be the Katniss she was before the games again. 

Hunting with Gale, life with Prim and her anger towards her mother were important parts of her life for a long time, but now everything would be different. 

She doesn't want Peeta in this new strange life. Not because he is not important enough, but because she wants him to remember her as she was when he fell in love with her. Because if they stay in touch now, he might be even more disappointed. 

The nightmares are already coming and she knows what the games have done to her mentor. She has killed and seen other people being killed. She was warned that the Capitol would keep an eye on her. The fear for Prim and the next years of picking will haunt her until her sister comes of age. Even after that she will worry about the children born into this dark future. Now that she has witnessed the hunger games herself, everything is much more real. The anger at the Capitol, the fear of the reaping, the precaution that her descendants will not suffer the same fate. 

Peeta will never have the chance to meet the Katniss she was just a few weeks ago and she is uncomfortable with her current self. More than that. She has turned the Capitol against herself, was rebellious. She didn't think things through and the more people she lets into her life, the more she has to lose. 

But a bad intuition is haunting her. That it might already be too late to worry about it. 

Because Peeta already has a place in her heart. 

However... She doesn't have to play it to the fullest. She only manages a tortured smile. "You don't have to answer that, honestly. If I know what I have in you then you will also know what it will be like without me. But believe me, it'll get easier."

"Maybe I don't want easy? If it were easy, I wouldn't still be chasing a girl after all these years for whom I was invisible," he sighs loudly. "Even though we have something that connects us now, I can see that it separates us from each other at the same time." He takes a short break before he takes a step towards Katniss and strokes a strand from her face and behind her ears. When he touches her skin, she flinches noticeably and her eyes flash for a moment. 

"I cannot help but thank the Capitol. These hunger games have brought me a little closer to you." He stops as if he knew how cruel his words might sound, but Katniss understands. In his own weird, twisted way, he's right. 

Her conflicting feelings reflect exactly what he just put into words. She hates the Capitol for changing her, but she's grateful for Peeta. And now she is afraid for him, wants him around her, but doesn't want to show anyone how important he is to her. Maybe if at some point she will be punished for her actions in the arena - Rue and the berries - it will not come back to him. 

She enjoys for a moment how Peeta Mellark has put his thumb and the rest of his fingers against her cheek and gently strokes across it. He probably knows instinctively what calms her. When she believes for a moment that there are no cameras, that there is only she and him in this world and that she doesn't have to be afraid, she can let herself fall for a moment. 

"I'm just like you, Peeta," she says in a whisper.

She stands up to his gaze and no longer suppresses the smile that triggers the comforting feeling in her that she has tried to suppress. "But you know it is not over. The hunger games will be over for the two of us, but not for all following generations. Many others will have our experiences and the killing will continue." She swallows hard. "You and I will be their mentors, we will witness their dying. The nightmares will go on and eventually they will punish us for being so rebellious. I love Prim, and mom and Gale, just like I care about other people in District 12. But you, Peeta, you should not suffer from my incompetence. I couldn't bear to lose you." 

At these words, he grabs her chin, presses his lips against hers, and buries his long slender fingers in her open hair. She enjoys the feeling of being desirable, his skin on hers, standing close to him and the adrenaline shooting through her body. In this moment the world is complete and only when he pantingly separates from her, the tears come.

"I survived the arena, Katniss," she hears him say. "So I can protect you. Do you think I'm going to throw my life away lightly after I know you wouldn't want to lose me? I will do everything to stay alive. I promise you, they won't catch me." 

When she looks into his blue eyes, she can believe it. That's what makes Peeta Mellark seem so sympathetic to others. His words are well-considered and do not miss their mark. He makes her feel safe and she decides to enjoy it. 

At least for one night. 


End file.
